Show Me Your List of Kinks

When you’re getting to know someone who’s kinky, it’s almost inevitable that at some point the conversation turns toward preferences. People will ask for a list of fetishes—things that turn you on, things you already enjoy, or things you might want to try for the first time. It’s a practical exchange, and I understand why they do it.

But it’s never been how I prefer to approach a dynamic - especially a BDSM dynamic.

For me, BDSM, and particularly stepping into the role of the Dominant, is a form of creative expression. It’s an outlet, an art, a way of shaping an experience with another person. And in that process, the natural flow, the chemistry, the feeling of ease between us matters far more than any checklist of interests.

To put it another way: if I’m practicing BDSM, I feel like I’m creating art. A list of fetishes is simply the medium - painting, sculpting, writing, singing, dancing, composing, performing, choreography. Those are useful distinctions, yes. But they’re not the art itself.

When someone asks me to “show them my list of kinks” - what I hear is a question about the medium, not the destination. The possibilities within any medium are nearly endless. So it’s the outcome - the emotional texture, the connection, the shared creation - that matters far more to me than the tools used to shape it.

I think that’s ultimately the heart of it. The medium matters, and we all have our preference. But it’s the destination, the end result of our co-creation that matters so much more.

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